Here's the sentence in question:
“Did you choose to become evil? Did you wake up one day and say, ‘I think I’ll destroy the world today.’?” he asked.
I really don't know about the quotes, period and question mark at the end.
I'm also open to suggestions on how to rewrite the sentence to make the punctuation easier.
Thanks to anyone that can help.
Edit: I got a few different response and still wasn't sure how to go with it. So, I just changed it around.
I now have this:
“Did you wake up one day and say, ‘I think I’ll destroy the world today.’ Did you choose to become evil?” he asked.
I think that works better, except that I still need a question mark for the first question. I hate punctuation.
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Comments
would be correct. I think. You could put the "I think..." business in italics to make it clearer, too (instead of in single quotes.)
Edited at 2008-05-06 03:51 pm (UTC)
Yes, punctuation sucks :)
Edited at 2008-05-06 04:01 pm (UTC)
That oughta do it.
As for your edit:
"Did you wake up one day and say, ‘I think I’ll destroy the world today.’ Did you choose to become evil?” he asked.
This is better, but not still as precise as you might want to be while still avoiding confusion and the question mark quandary altogether.
Here's a suggestion: go into more detail. This speech sounds like it's profound and possibly story-altering. Who's in this scene? What's going on? As a reader, I'd want to know more, and that very wanting to know more could help you rephrase successfully.
Fake scenario: Xander is questioning Willow.
He looked at her now, all innocence and red hair and gentle face. Willow, sweet innocent Willow. How could she, once upon a time, have gone all black-eyed and veiny and... just not Willow? Xander smiled weakly at her before casting his eyes away and clearing his throat. "Um, Will," he said tentatively, "did you wake up one day and decide you were going to destroy the world?"
Willow blinked at him. "What?" she choked out.
Xander pushed on. "Did you choose to become evil?" he asked.
Just an idea. Adapt at will or not. Just see how the above elegantly skirts the whole problem while also adding gravitas to the scene? :)
I'm not asking for a full beta, just help with a sentence or two, but reading the scene is the only way to know why that sentence is important. I'm not opposed to breaking it up. I've just been away from writing for too long.
Edited at 2008-05-06 09:43 pm (UTC)
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